"H" is my hero!

Last night would have been a good night for me to publish a new post to my blog. We got home from our “small group” meeting a little early, I was still full of coffee and dessert and it was at least an hour before my bedtime. But I watched CSI Miami instead.
I was really excited about our small group meeting. I was scheduled to be the leader. I had rehearsed a little monologue that lead into the hymn I had picked out to sing. The hymn I picked out provided me with a tidy transition into a prayer time and then I was prepared to present a lesson based on 2nd Samuel chapter 20, a classic Old Testament cousin-stabbin’, guts-in-the-mud, action-drama story complete with the villain’s head flying over the wall.
So right after work I ran over to the church, crawled up in the attic, parted the cobwebs, blew off the dust and grabbed a dozen old hymnals. If I’m going to single-handedly revive the ancient sacrament of hymn singing I’m going to need more than my collection of four mismatched antique hymnals.
Then I visited a friend, attended an impromptu business meeting, picked up Brenda, and headed for the “Small-Group” Bible study and fellowship meeting. After we ate and everybody sat down in the living room, I got their attention and began my “monologue”. Before you judge me, let me just say that I am a much better speaker when I plan ahead what I’m going to say. Some people speak to think. Others think before they speak. I just can’t think and speak at the same time, so I try to be prepared. I got through my little story despite several interruptions and then discovered that the hymn I wanted to sing, “Tell it to Jesus” was not in the hymnal I had gotten from the church. So I had to substitute with another, “Take it to the Lord in Prayer”. That ruined my tidy little transition to prayer time. And then no one got excited about my lesson. I had taught this lesson two times previously and felt pretty good about it. The “20-Something gang that I teach ate it up. The “Young-Married” couples that we hang out with had a lot of fun with it. The “middle-aged” couples and singles in our small group just didn’t get excited about the action and the drama. I always try to do this “Socratic” thing and when I find a subtopic that resonates with people, just try to fuel the fire a little and steer them towards some point of application. They weren’t buying’ it and I got nothing if people don’t participate. Tough crowd.
These people are all awesome people. They are my best friends and I share life with them. I love them as brothers and sisters and they don’t patronize or flatter me. But all the way home I was feeling sorry for myself and wondering why the little program I had prepared seemed to fall so flat. So I sat down in front of the television and watched CSI Miami. “H” is my hero. He possesses the twin super-powers of telekinesis and mind reading. And he can transfix his audience without even making eye contact. Plus he never has to deal with anything as gauche as a winter coat or man-mittens.
I was still kind of disappointed and confused (angry) when I walked to work this morning. I went over the material I had prepared in my head. One of the points of application in the story is about how Joab’s name is mentioned repeatedly. He gets to do all the cool stuff. The “Wise Woman of Abel” is anonymous, yet God uses her to save her people. That made me think of one of the supporting Bible verses I had somebody look up last night: Matthew 6:1 (NIV) Be careful not to do your acts of righteousness before men, to be seen by them. If you do you will have no reward from your Father in Heaven. And then I had to ask myself what my motive was last night. What was the condition of my heart? Who was I trying to please?